Dear dad..

Dear Dad,
It's been exactly a month, since you left us physically.
One of the most traumatizing, depressing month for me.
I'm still unable to sink with the fact that you are no more with us.
I still think you are a call away, to fill that positivity in me, whenever I feel low.
You are the best dad in the whole world. I mean it.
And am "the" luckiest person to be born as your daughter.
I wish you were here, with us.
We miss you a lot.
We miss you each and every second of our lives.
Am sure you must be making everybody laugh wherever you are.
You carved our lives like it was your own.
You never said a single negative thing about anybody.
Your way of living inspires us to lead our remaining lives.
You left a foot print in each and everybody's lives whom you came across.
I would sacrifice anything to bring you back to life.
It's heartbreaking, that I could only meet you in my dreams now.
Even today you were in my dream.
It's painful after I wake up.
I would want to go back to sleep to meet you.
Life's ups and downs are on one side,
This loss is on the other side,
It's huge, larger than life, and unrepairable.
I lost an important part of me, which am never going to get back.
I promise you, I will make you proud.
You are my hero.
Love you daddy.
I'll wait for you..

One Summer Afternoon !!

Today, I was listening to my favourite music,
And, was walking in my balcony,
I saw an old man carrying a bag, 
Walking bare feet with the help of a stick, 
And holding a wall clock in one hand.
It's a sunny day, and was very hot,
I noticed he was not asking anything, from anybody,
I removed my head phones,
Went inside, grabbed some change from my wallet,
Wore my slippers and came out,
By the time, I came out,
He almost crossed our lane,
I ran towards him,
I said "thatha" (means grandfather in Telugu),
He stopped and looked back,
I asked "where are you going?",
He said nothing.
I told him "we dint cook anything yet",
And, I gave him the money, that I carried,
He smiled and took it,
I asked him "why are you carrying this clock?"
He said "one man gave me to put a cell in it, he said it will work"
I was shocked at his innocence,
And was wondering about that man,
What will a hungry stomach and bare feet will do with a wall clock on a summer afternoon?!
I looked at his feet, 
Then at my slippers,
I asked him,
Will my slippers fit your feet?
He said "if you give, I will take it for my wife",
I gave my slippers to him,
He put them carefully into his bag,
Said " God bless you".
And walked away with a smile on his face,
I turned and walked towards my home bare feet.
It was very hot,
Still my feet dint feel the heat nor the stones on the road,
I came inside my room and sat there and sobbed for some time.
I have no idea, why I cried.
I always missed my grandparents,
I never had a chance to spend time with them,
My maternal and paternal grandparents died, when I was months old,
So I don't even remember the time, I had spent with them.
I stare at their photos now and then,
And think, why you had to leave so early?
May be that's the reason why I sobbed after I came back to my room today.
"I miss my grand parents".
Yes, I have been, and will, all my life, I guess.

Dear Aadhya,

Dear Aadhya,💕
I haven't met you,
But I have heard a lot about you,
Your beautiful smile made us feel beautiful,
The way you used to roll your eyes, made us fall in love with you more with the passing time,
Your poses made us wonder and smile at the same time,
Your innocent smile, that fought through pain, will remain in our hearts.
You gave us the courage to be brave, no matter how worst the situation is,
You were an inspiration,
You gave that hope,
You remain a fighter forever,
You didn't give up till the end,
The brave fight you put up, will push us in our dark days, for sure,
Even though you lived for the shorter time,
You made us learn the biggest lessons of our lives.
It's surreal that we lost you.
But, dear Aadhya, am sure,
You are in a better place now,
Free from all the suffering you went through,
Leaving footprints in our lives which will never fade away,
We love you and will miss you,
You will always be there in our hearts.💝

P.S. Aadhya is my best friend's niece, who is 5 months old.

You don't have to be a bird, to fly!!

As I looked out of my window,
I saw these two birds flying high,
Hovering over everything proudly,
Making turns and twists swiftly,
I wonder, why most of us,
Always, wish to be a bird,
To fly high, like a bird,
Is it because we don't recognise our true potentials?
Is it because we want to run away from our responsibilities?
Or, is it because we failed to realize that we control our lives?
The answer could differ from me to you, you to him, him to her,
And, her to everybody.
But the truth is, we are solely responsible for our lives.
We can still be free like birds,
Take our own decisions,
Create our own niché,
And, live in our own magical world,
If we think less about what others say.
And think more about our dreams, our purposes and our very own existence.

The Familiar Pain!

The pain lingered on,
The more, when I tried to ignore,
The less, when I tried to face it,
But not all the days are same right?
Some days are just too plain,
You don't feel like a fighter,
You don't want to fight,
You just want to lay still,
You want those curtains on,
You want everything around to go mute,
Today is that kind of a day,
I gave in to the pain.
I was in 'Challenge yourself a bit' kind of mood,
I thought it's better than batting away,
The swirling mess of my thoughts.
Okay pain?
Now, behave yourselves, okay?
Let's hang out together today,
Only today, you get it, right?

A Beautiful yet, awakening day!

My Alarm rings, it's 5 AM,
I open my eyes,
After many days, I feel good about waking up,
I went into the other room,
My mom and dad were sleeping,
I feel light today, refreshing, as if am flying,
I opened the door without making noise,
I always loved watching early mornings, not so hot, yet warm, rising sun,
With its beautiful amalgam of yellow and red,
Cool breeze, chirping of birds, proudly standing tall trees,
makes me feel damn good about this day!
How did I miss these moments from almost an year, oh this sunrise,
In the lost thoughts, a puppy bark brings me back to the reality!
I need not worry now, my brother says he will bring home one,
Next month, after he comes back here after an year.
I wear my flipflops and head out for walking,
I don't remember, why I gave up on my walking.
Infact, I don't remember why I gave up on many things,
May be its time to hit on them once again, all of them!
I decided to go to "OUR" place.
You got it right, it's all commercialized now,
But I feel good here, remembering those wonderful moments!
Darkness of night, coolness of the breeze, craziness of being alone,
I recollect everything,
Come on, modernization doesn't modernize your brain, right?! Yeah!
It's been an hour,
It was time to go back, from where I came,
There is something special about this morning,
Wish I could figure out what it is,
Wish I could grab hold of this moment,
And keep it with me forever, you know, forever!
While going back home,
I went near those puppies outside my home,
Went really close to them,
They sat really close to each other,
To beat the cold I guess,
One of them is black, the other brown and the other one in white and brown patches.
I always had this affinity towards dogs don't know why.
I think I understand them haha,
Those innocently adorable eyes, those beautiful expressions, the way they loiter around, the way they search for food, I just love everything about them.
I remember when I was small,
The dog we used to feed everyday,
One day, sat near our doorstep, with an injury on its face, blood tripping from the wound,
I sat close to it, crying while cleaning its wound,
It was looking straight into my eyes,
And me blaming God, for what he did,
And from that day this love towards dogs has been growing along with me,
Now, here, as these puppies struggling to sleep, I leave with a smile and step towards my home.
There are many people,
There are loud noises,
My heart was beating at a faster rate than usual,
After receiving a hint of something unusual,
As I moved closer to my home,
The voices became more clearer and the scary thing was they were familiar too,
All these people gathered around,
I have never seen them before,
Some of them live around, I guess.
I went inside.
I saw my mom, crying inconsolably,
Saw my dad, standing beside her and lost somewhere,
I hurried to my mom, trying to comfort her,
And ask her what happened,
She ignored me,
She didn't even look at me,
I tried to talk to my dad,
Even he ignored me,
"Not again", I thought.
Feeling helpless, I looked around,
I tried to converse with the people around, no use.
I think, it's because of me, did I do something?
Why are they ignoring me?
Why aren't they answering me?
And many more questions started haunting me,
Feeling dejected, I walked into my room,
Into the darkness, I tried to switch on the light, I failed,
I thought there was some problem,
I looked on to my bed, searching for the phone,
To call my brother,
Someone's sleeping on my bed,
Looks familiar, very familiar,
Wait! Is it me? Yes, it's me!!!!
How could that be possible?
What am I then?
I tried to touch my body, failed.
I tried to push the one on bed, failed.
Then, the truth hits me hard,
Am dead!
With the gush of pain and numbness,
I cry out loud, with no tears ofcourse,
I remember the promises, the ones I made,
The ones others made,
The ones that were broken,
The ones that were waiting to be fulfilled,
The dreams, the wishes, and, and, the love, the eternity!!
Is this the end?
Is this the beginning of something else?
As these thoughts were haunting me,
I felt a sprinkle of water droplets on my face!
It was a dream! I take deep breath. 

Now, the question was,
Was it a Dream?
Or a step closer to my future?
Or a taste of forthcoming?!
Time is the answer!
But the truth is, I felt this dream,
I lived this dream!!
It's going to be with me for a long time,
Like a really, long time,
Or, may be forever!

"Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real - Tupac Shakur"

The Accidental Meeting ??!

Sometimes no matter how hard you try to explain, others don't try to understand you. Or, may be they are in no mood to understand you. Or, they don't make that effort. That's what happened to me yesterday night. It was an argument, which made me more restless than usual. Sometimes you just wish, you close your eyes and open, and there you go, you are somewhere else, a new place, new surroundings, new faces, new everything. This was that moment for me. I was sick. Sick of everything. Including this argument. My mind kept on saying, give up, there's no point in arguing, but my heart cared, it wouldn't give up easily. And so I continued, till I could sense the pain in my throat and head. I banged the door and collapsed on my bed. After recovering from, my "Why me???" emotional conversation (ofcourse it's a one sided one) with the power above, I grab hold of my music player and set out for walk. If I don't go for a walk now, I could end up screwing things more, like by calling an old friend and yelling at him/her for something or writing a very long email to that old friend of mine, for postponing our meet for like a month now. So, not giving it a second thought, I rush out. Walking does help me amazingly in situations like this. I vent out my anger, my disappointments blah blah. It's a great let out for me.
My only "me time", which turns me from an agitated rattle snake to an earthworm.. :D

Thanks to that walk, my bubbling positive energy now wants to do something. I prepared my favourite recipe for dinner and crawled into my bed and started watching my favourite sitcom. One of the lead characters is dumb and deaf. May be, it was that argument effect or may be because it was my favourite sitcom, I thought sign language is the best language, no showing off your anger by banging the doors, increasing the volume on your music systems, crashing the remotes onto the floor etc. It's another fact that, no matter what language it is, arguments drain you emotionally and physically. With such thoughts in my head, I didn't realize when I dozed off.

When I woke up, I could sense that I wanted to do something, but I wasn't aware as what? So after having my breakfast, I set out, no idea where. I walked upto the bus stop and pretend to wait, among the already waiting people for some bus. After waiting for an hour, just like that looking here and there, I called one of my friends, and informed her that I would meet her in two hours. She works for an MNC that is located in the outskirts of the city.
One hour passes by with the hustling of college students, hurrying middle aged people holding the hands of those confused poor little kids, who have no idea where or why and what for they are hurrying and those old energetic people walking around and waiting eagerly for their buses.
Finally my bus came. I get in and sit comfortably near a window seat. I love sitting near a window seat, listening to music and peeking out of the window , just looking out. It takes two hours to reach my destination. I take out my phone, and start reading the book I downloaded last week. It was about a woman and her lost "piece" of mind. I found it boring. So, I closed it. I still have long distance to cover before meeting my friend. A woman came along with her two children and sat beside me. They were adorable children. A brother and a sister. It always makes me nostalgic when I see a brother and a sister. This little brother was making an effort to make his baby sister smile. I don't think she smiles that often, but yes, when she does, she makes him smile too. I was discussing with that woman, about the traffic. I love this part of travelling, that is talking to strangers. I always did and enjoyed thoroughly. After sometime, they got down the bus. Since it was almost the noon time, traffic was heavy, extending my journey a little more. I got back to my songs once again.

Suddenly, I saw a couple pleading the conductor for a ticket and the conductor was refusing as she doesn't have any change. They need Rs 50 and they have Rs 1000. They were asked to get down in the next stop, but they were requesting the conductor, as they need to go somewhere and it was an emergency. Everybody were looking at them. I was one of them. I thought of helping them out with the tickets. As I was about to call them, a woman comes in between, she offers them the change she has, and the couple then smile at that woman, their eyes overflowing with thankfulness. Some people have that charm of doing small, yet extraordinary things. This was one of that kind. Nobody was that worried, everybody were watching the entire scene, without an hint of concern for a fellow passenger. I was taken back by her caring and simple attitude. After sometime, the same woman who helped, comes and sits, right beside me. She has that calm nature and a beautiful smile. Her genuine and honest eyes conversed more than her words. She seemed like a wonderful soul to me. I felt like I was honoured, when she sat beside me. It might sound stupid. But that is how I felt. We greeted each other with smile. Usually, even though I enjoy conversations while travelling, I don't initiate them. This time, I couldn't help. I asked her where she was going. She smiled and started conversing with me as if we knew each other from really long time. I found out after sometime that she was from Banglore. Now, I was sure in my head, that I know this woman, somehow.

Our conversation raced against the bus. In between, she informed me that it was her second visit to the city and that she was on her way to a hospital to meet her friend who met with an accident. She wasn't aware of the hospital address. She asked me whether I was. I said yes. But, actually, I wasn't. I heard the name, but I've never been to that place. She requested me to help her when the stop comes. I messaged one of my friends, inquiring about the address. I made a plan. I called my friend(whom I was supposed to meet) and informed that I had an emergency. I told the woman that I was going to the same place, so it's not a problem. So, we got down near the stop, with the instructions on my phone, provided by my friend, we both started walking. In between our conversation, she   questions about me and whether I had been to Banglore. I mumble and answer. Banglore makes me nostalgic and numb at the same time. I shared the unknown(may be known) fear I developed with Banglore. She listened patiently to my not so short story. She laughed and explained to me, why people fear the unknown and lack the courage to confront the truth. We had a great conversation, infact I would say, a soul stirring conversation. She answered a question that has been haunting me for a while now. She definitely made an influence. We reached the hospital. We parted our ways. As I walked, I looked back, to make sure this isn't some dream. Now, am glad that argument happened yesterday which led me to this journey today. I read somewhere, "Sometimes wrong train takes us to a right destination". In my case, it would be a random decision that I would give credit to. I realized, sometimes, you meet some people in your life, it could be for a minute, an hour, or a day, but they have this larger than life impact on you. This woman was one among them. I don't know anything about her. All I know is that the place where she comes from is the same place am nostalgic about. Everything seemed like a dream. Like an illusion. People come into your life for some reason. This time I was sure about the reason. And am glad about it. I still find it odd as why I opened up and had this entire conversation with a complete stranger, may be it was how this was supposed to get resolved..!! :)